Dr. Lacey asked us to seriously consider what they call palliative care. 

Palliative Care can be described as care focusing on providing patients with relief from the symptoms, pain and stress of serious illness, whatever the diagnosis. To help improve quality of life (however long or short it may be) for both the patient and the family.

Basically this is a "do nothing" option. And while it may seem a horrible choice to some it is an opportunity for us, Jason, me, Christian and Georgia, to bond with him, hold him, be together as a family for however much time Baby Brother has. The doctors would treat him for any pain while I would get to hold him and take pictures of him with his siblings and Daddy. We could rock him and sing to him and smell him. Oh how I want to smell him. His sonogram pictures look just like Georgia did and she had the most luscious cheeks. I want to kiss those cheeks while they are warm. We could stroke his face and hair and he could smell me and know that his Mommy and Daddy never left his side for his short time here on earth. With option 1 there is no guarantee we will ever get to see or even touch him live. With option 2 we would. But there would be no guarantee of ever being able to take him home. With option 1 there is a chance we would one day. Small as that chance may be.

There is no known amount of time Option 2 would give us. We don't know if he would survive 5 minutes, 5 hours or even 5 days. Most likely 5 days would never happen. I'm not even sure 5 hours would happen. But they could be the most beautiful 5 minutes this family has ever known. 

Until your in this situation you will never understand how doable option 2 is. It seems so inhumanly humane. I'm not sure that makes any sense. But, as difficult as it would be, it's the option that provides knowledge of what's to come next. Would we be fighting to keep alive a baby that doesn't want to live? What happens if he declines after the procedure and it was all for not? Would we wish we had just held him and loved on him for what little time he had? Or would we regret the rest of our lives not fighting harder for him if we chose option 2?

This isn't a decision Jason and I are taking lightly. We know we have to be firm and confident in this decision. We have to be on the same team. We have to know that we can get through this together, even if Baby Brother doesn't. We have to be comfortable with the choice we make. I can't express enough how heavy this is. What is Jason wants option 1 and I want option 2 and we go with 1 and he passes and I hold Jason responsible for never being able to hold my baby live. Or vice versa. Our marriage would never survive that. Well, the marriage would survive but our trust in each other probably wouldn't. Again, we have to make this decision as a team and we have to be completely comfortable and confident in that decision.